As well as trying to deal with the issues with wanting to find my mum, I've been trying to find other ways of trying to deal with this constant feeling of lethargy and sadness that has shrouded me for too long. I've always eaten quite healthily meal wise, but I tend to snack on unhealthy things, and althoughy as I say I eat healthy meals, sometimes I skip them, or eat at strange times and throw my eating pattern out of sync. I thought I would try to make an extra effort to be healthy and so have limited myself to one cup of tea a day and trying to avoid unhealthy snacks and Im doing so well. Although I used to sit and drink about 6 cups of tea a day (bad student habit-its all we seem to do!), yet its not even hard to cut down, its all in the habit. Now I'll just have my morning cup with breakfast, which Im eating properly now. It used to a case of shoving a bowl of cereal down my throat and running out the door, and thats a good day. Now I force myself out of bed when the alarm goes off. It feels hard but its so nice to have a leisurely breakfast. Although now without all that caffeine and sugar from the day before its easy to wake up. Even today I was up. And Im sleeping so well its amazing. But the best part is my new found zest for life. Ive been active all day today instead of spending all day finding the energy. And Ive been getting things done that Ive been putting off for ages. Most of all Im getting the passion back for my work. I used to love it and then I just couldnt be bothered but I really want a first and now Im back on track!
And now theres the wedding plans. The one who has been there all through everything, since I was 17 minus a day, and I are planning to get married as soon as we graduate, the summer after next! Yay! It will be an eco wedding hopefully!
I cant believe how great I feel, and mostly because of cutting down on tea and therefore a lot of sugar too, taking some vitamins, and just getting out of bed. I never thought it could be done. I just hope it lasts. I hope I can keep my mind on track.
I have been thinking about writing that letter, I have a contact address, and I have managed so far to keep my positive out look, so fingers crossed.
Now I just have the hurdle of telling my nan, the woman who raised me and who really hates the idea of me being close to anyone else other than her, including my own sister, that I want to contact my mother. Oh god thats scary. Just keep on smiling girl.